Baking a Fool of Myself: Watermelon's Cover Girl Aspirations and Peanut Budder Cookies

When I was a young woman of 20, my big dream was to get on the cover of a cannabis magazine. The one I had my eye on was the No. 1 publication promoting civil disobedience and protesting marijuana prohibition at that time.

While other girls dreamed of a big white wedding, I was dreaming of being a cover girl for the cannabis magazine I felt was doing its best to subvert the status quo.

I spent a short time in Queens, New York, practicing stand-up comedy in my early 20s. One day I strolled into the magazine’s office in downtown New York and introduced myself. I told them I wanted to be on the cover, bringing with me a naïve enthusiasm that was hard to quell.

They were definitively entertained, but in the end I was told they were a “legit weed” magazine, not a “foxy chick” magazine.

Everybody there was pretty jovial about everything, so we went up on the rooftop and smoked a big joint. Then I was given the ubiquitous swag and some friendly handshakes as I was ushered out the door. Going straight home, I wrote them an impassioned letter about my quest in more detail. No response.

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Two years later, Vancouver writer Shawn Conner pitched a story to the magazine about my cannabis comedy shows and they bought it. When it came time to discuss the photo, I told Shawn I wanted to shoot for the cover (naïve enthusiasm still unscathed).

We got lucky because the photo the magazine was scheduled to publish got pulled at the last minute. Desperate now for a new cover shot, they said if we could get them a great photo by yesterday, “it would be considered.” That was all the encouragement I needed.

I called up my friend Anne, who grew beautiful indoor buds, and we concocted a plan together. I would drive the photographer and writer to a big parking lot in Richmond, BC. It is there she would pick us up in her van and blindfold the crew with old suit ties. We drove them directly into Anne’s garage and closed the automatic door. They were then led down a hall into a well-disguised growroom where we removed the blindfolds.

This was 2000 and a big growroom could still get you quite a few prison years, not to mention the threat of armed robbery.

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I walked into the bathroom, put on some makeup, and changed into my Marijuana Monroe costume. This began my long illustrious career as the world’s first pot pin-up model. Meanwhile, the photographer struggled with lighting. It is notoriously difficult to light a growroom as it is steaming with lights. Too many lights. Too many hot lights.

Twenty minutes later I walked out of that bathroom…and became the new cover girl for the nation’s biggest marijuana magazine. Hallelujah!

To date, I have done as many characters as I could dream up: Cleopotra, Little Miss Puffet, Jungle Mary Jane, Mary Jane Mansfield, Crops and Robbers, Mae West Coast … you get the idea.

What I learned then, and what I still believe today, is it is important to have unconventional aspirations when you are young and naïve because then you dream big and bold, beyond your abilities. As we age we tend to get more pragmatic with our quests. Such a shame really.

These pin-ups have been published in almost every cannabis magazine around the world. They have been printed in calendars, posters, and bong advertisements.

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Since then I have forged ahead with other seemingly impossible feats. I am about to open my second licorice and hula-hoop business; I’ve learned to be a decent tango dancer; I’m a retired watermelon vendor; I have produced countless cannabis cooking shows; I run a marijuana bakery; become a chocolatier; a writer; and next I want to become the mayor of Vancouver, BC.

Not right away though. I have a 10-year campaign set in motion. By then I will no longer be considered a “druggie.” I will be considered a “forward thinker.” Vote Watermelon for Mayor 2024. That is what it says on the buttons. Collect all 10.

Recipe: Peanut Budder Cookies (Gluten Free)

Recipe

• 1 cup of peanut butter
• 1 cup of brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp of baking soda
• 15 grams of shake flour

Directions

1. Pre-heat oven to 350°F.
2. Place all ingredients in a big bowl and mix thoroughly.
3. Spoon out heaping tablespoon size balls onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.
4. Flatten balls slightly with fork.
5. Sprinkle each ball lightly with rock salt (optional).
6. Bake for 12-15 minutes.
7. Cool on racks and serve with milk.
8. Don’t kiss anybody with a peanut allergy.

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