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Grow a Fat Stash Fast: A Minimalist Approach to a Quick Cannabis Grow

By Michael Coffey | Last updated: May 31, 2021
Key Takeaways

There is no better time to be growing at home, and if you follow ace grower Michael Coffey’s advice on how to set up a low-cost, minimalist growroom, you’ll be harvesting sure-fire dank dividends in no time.

It’s always been a better idea to grow your own, and these days it’s become absolutely essential. Whether we experience a K-shaped, W-shaped, or any kind of recovery at all, the commercial cannabis sector has been badly bruised. Street schwag is no substitute for high-quality herb and even if you happen to know a dealer that isn’t a dirty rotten scoundrel, you’re unlikely to get a discount for being a frequent flier. It’s not just a simple supply-and-demand problem, either.

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Cannabis is a commodity in distress and it’s everyone for themselves. The good news is you don’t need to be a genius to grow your own ganja, it’s actually gotten easier. Yes, you can survive the reefer recession. If you invest the price of a couple of ounces you can set yourself up to become sensimilla self-sufficient.

And you won’t need to spend more than an hour per week of your free time making the marijuana magic happen. In fact, you’ve already taken the first step on the journey. It starts with reading this article and it ends with a fat stash of your very own homegrown in 80 days or less.

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Cannabis plant in a grow tentDay 71

Minimalist Growroom Setup

There is no need to break the bank to grow some bud and you don’t need acres of space either. If you’ve got a room with four walls, a roof over your head, and can clear out one corner of that area you can grow as well as anybody. Whether you’re living in grandma’s basement or if you’ve only got a tiny space in the laundry room that the kids or the family pets won’t mess with, that’s good enough to grow.

If you’re like me and can’t even change a plug, that doesn’t matter either. I’m no MacGyver grower, and the only tool in my toolbox is a roll of duct tape. Forget all that DIY nonsense. That’s not the route to grow reefer at home. I couldn’t sleep at night with some homemade grow light and grow shack in the house. It would be a matter of when, not if, it bursts into flames and insurance claims for cannabis catastrophes don’t pay out.

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(Read also: 5 Ways to Control Odors in a Growroom)

What you need is a compact grow tent 2x2x5-foot, 100W LED, clip-on fan, exhaust fan, timer plug, carbon filter, fan-speed controller, ducting, rope ratchet hangers, pots, and a thermo hygrometer. There are plenty of kits out there for an affordable price.

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Flowering cannabis plantsDay 73

A Simple Cannabis Grow Strategy

Grow one autoflowering cannabis plant and grow it right. My recommendation is Critical+ 2.0 Autoflowering by Dinafem Seeds. And I know what you are thinking: Isn’t putting all your eggs in one basket risky? Only if you are Humpty Dumpty. Critical Mass is the most influential cannabis strain in Europe and as close as you can get to a sure thing. The autoflowering version is even better because it has all the attributes that made the photoperiod original a legend with some added benefits.

Critical+ 2.0 Auto boasts 20 percent THC, big buds, uniformity, and she is faster to finish. This is the most refined and the definitive edition of the genetics. This gal was designed to be mold-resistant, can produce deliciously dank swollen colas, and if I am being perfectly honest, she is regularly passed off as photoperiod Critical+ by commercial producers across the continent. It’s the cannabis equivalent of taking the Pepsi Challenge trying to distinguish the photoperiod buds from the autoflowering buds — even the most discerning palates of cannabis connoisseurs can’t tell the difference.

(Read also: Tips on Growing Cannabis in Small Spaces)

If it’s Critical+ 2.0 Auto that you’ve got in your grow tent, then you can’t go wrong. Aside from being a potent powerhouse producer, this weed is amongst the most forgiving and easy cropping strains on the market. I can’t emphasize enough how incredibly versatile this auto is. She will grow well in a variety of substrates and is very amenable to pruning and training for more advanced growers that want to push her yields to the limit. My personal recommendation for critical cannabis cultivation is a great big six-gallon air-pot filled with 70 percent light-mix soil and 30 percent added coco as per Dinafem guidance.

For newbies, just let her grow and watch that main cola swell. And if you have a few grows under your belt, a little low-stress training goes a long way. She can handle high doses of nutrients and is overall a pleasure to cultivate indoors or outdoors in a warm climate. The only negative that comes to mind is she is not the most exciting or exotic strain. Nevertheless, she is far from bland. I’ll take a fat stash of homegrown Critical+ 2.0 Auto over any $400 ounce.

Flowering cannabis plantsDay 74

Dank Dividends

Germinate one bean right in the dirt if it’s your first grow and set your LED on a 20/4 cycle from day one until somewhere between day 70-80 and you could be looking at 100 grams or more from a single plant. Critical+ 2.0 Auto is not a high-maintenance strain and with Dinafem you can be confident that by day 30-35 you will be seeing female preflowers from their feminized seed. If you want to see exactly how I did it check out Critical Cannabis Cultivation on my Top Shelf Grower YouTube channel. I will take you through the complete cultivation cycle. It’s not rocket science: it’s easy cropping cannabis cultivation. I know you can do it.

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Written by Michael Coffey | Cannabis Cultivator, Writer, Photographer, & YouTuber

Profile Picture of Michael Coffey

Michael Coffey, aka Top Shelf Grower is a cannabis cultivator, freelance writer, photographer, and YouTuber originally from Dublin Ireland. These days he’s on the loose creating dope content from an off-the-grid location somewhere. In 2018 he self-published his first book, Cannabis Cultivation a 21st Century Guide, available on Amazon.

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