Baking a Fool of Myself: Homemade Jalapeno Poppers
Just because you can put marijuana in food doesn’t mean you should. Food should always be delicious, and cooking with cannabis doesn’t always take you there. Watermelon serves up her thoughts on cannabis as a culinary excursion, plus offers up a recipe for cannabis-infused homemade jalapeno poppers.
Cooking with cannabis is a lot like riding a unicycle. Once you get the hang of it, you become invincible!
Building my marijuana bakery was, and still is, forging ahead into unchartered waters. When I baked and sold my first pot cookie some 20 years ago, competition wasn’t stiff. In fact, it was almost non-existent.
As the years went by, competition grew slightly but never with any great alarm. Even today I find myself mostly nonplussed by edibles available on the market. Great packaging, great look, awful taste. Why?
Cannabis as a Culinary Excursion
Cooking with cannabis as science is almost never delicious. Cooking with cannabis as a culinary excursion is gloriously delicious. You must treat the cannabis a lot like any other herb you would incorporate into any other dish. How will it taste? Will it be overpowering? Where can it be blended? How much should I use?
What I mean by “science” is, taking a highly condensed cannabis oil and straight up adding it to your baked good/gummy bear. This will get the job done but as far as I’m concerned, I would rather ingest a cannabis capsule/tincture and enjoy something delicious to eat. The allure of adding concentrated cannabis to corn syrup, gelatin, and food dye has always stymied me.
Just because you can put weed into something doesn’t make it a good idea. It has often been requested of me to make weed lasagna. I have always declined knowing right away that the hungriest person present gets the biggest dose of THC. Why not eat a controlled amount of cannabis and then eat some seriously delicious, unadulterated lasagna.
Regardless of what you decide to cook, you should know that sativa versus indica has less influence on its final effects than you once thought. What does make a big difference is the food vehicle in which the cannabis gets introduced to the body. This can have a serious role in how it affects those ingesting.
Carbs, Cookies, and Cannabis
At my bakery, we produce wacky taffy made mostly with simple sugars, so it is quickly absorbed into the blood stream. The taffy actually starts its entry via your saliva. This allows for a more rapid onset than edibles made with complex carbohydrates. For my gingersnap cookies, we like to grind our flour fresh from whole grains.
Cannabis introduced in whole grains take more time to reach the large intestine before being introduced into the blood stream as complex carbohydrates burn more slowly than simple sugars. Consequently, it takes longer to get high and you are high much longer. On the other hand, edibles made with meat or cheese can keep you feeling slightly buzzed for a few days because meat and cheese remain in the body longer and burn even slower.
The fastest source to the bloodstream is usually alcohol. Cannabis converted in alcohol has the most rapid onset but also doesn’t last very long. All of this is a much more important consideration when cooking with cannabis than comparing sativa against indica. Which brings me to my main point.
When cooking with cannabis, try to think about it like most any other herb. How much dill would you add to any dish? Not tons I bet. You can use it like a rub, toss into the oil heating up, dry toast it, etc.
If you must consume cannabis for an illness or otherwise, consider finding a perfectly dosed tincture or dry decarboxylated cannabis capsules. Then eat a healthy, well-balanced diet and leave those gummy bears alone.
I have had a marijuana bakery so long now it feels perfectly normal to me. In the past, I always had trouble making up a lie when people asked what I did for work. Except when crossing the border or talking to cops. I am always happy to lie to those guys.
I just frankly told people who inquired, that I own a marijuana bakery. Watching their face tilt slightly, one wonky eye, thinking about a traditional bakery and how bong hits might fit in with apple fritters is usually pretty humorous. Other times, I’d edit it down to “caterer” when I could not afford the incrimination or knew my audience would feel compromised. It is a fun job. I am not going to lie.
Another thing I have learned over the years is that most dishes are impractical to produce for retail purposes. I have limited my marijuana bakery to produce just those items that keep well and taste delicious. I do, however, love to throw parties and showcase exotic dishes not ready for regular market twice a year.
I am definitely serving this next exotic dish at my annual BudBQ. Jalapeño poppers! Recently, I was introduced during a family fishing trip. It was love at first bite.
These poppers are made simple, but I want you to know you can dress them up by adding some shrimp or the classic bacon wrapped poppers. Anyway you make them they are divine. The cooking of the peppers tones down their wrath and the creaminess of the cream cheese cuts its fire into a perfectly spiced mouth-gasm.
Keep in mind the lingering effects of converting cannabis in cheese.
Homemade Jalapeños Poppers
- 12 large jalapeños
- 250 grams (8 ounces) of cream cheese
- 100 grams (4 ounces) of shredded sharp cheddar
- 5 chives chopped up fine
- 4 grams of dried shake
- Cut 10 jalapeños in half lengthwise and deseed the center using a small spoon.
- In a medium bowl, soften the cream cheese with a fork and mix in the shredded cheddar, chopped chives and shake flour. I simply crush the dried leaves in my hands and add. If using bud, you will need a grinder.
- Fill the centre of the jalapeños with your cheese mixture. I like to use one jalapeño to dice up and sprinkle over the top for garnish. The extra jalapeño is just that, extra. In case you mess one up.
- Place the filled peppers on a aluminum foiled cookie sheet or cake pan and bake for 15-18 minutes at 425°F or until the peppers grow tender and the cheese bakes up a bit brown.
Bring cannabis back into the kitchen and let your imagination fly higher!
Written by Watermelon | Entrepreneur, Creator of Baking a Fool of Myself
Watermelon, a.k.a. Mary Jean Dunsdon, is a Vancouver-based entrepreneur who loves to tango, tell jokes, bake, and get baked. To watch Watermelon in action, check her out on YouTube or follow her on Twitter @weeddiva.