Baking a Fool of Myself: Gluten-free Edibles

For many years now, I have been attempting to quit one thing for a year, just to see what happens. It’s an excellent dietary exercise as well as one in self-control. At the end of the year, I take it back up again. To date, I have quit coffee, dairy, corn/products, white flour, overeating, and alcohol.

The key is to pick one thing. Make your goal achievable, and don’t beat yourself up about the other things. For instance, I did not quit caffeine the year I quit coffee. Totally achievable. Focus on what you are quitting and not what else you should quit.

The only thing I wasn’t successful quitting for a whole year was swearing. I even tried two years in a row. No luck. Swears just come out of your body. Things coming out of you are harder to control than things going into you.

This year, I planned to quit gluten. Very fashionable, don’t you agree? I have always avoided shoddy, white, baked goods and focused more on whole grains, but now I will attempt an all-out assault against gluten entering my body.

Everybody who eats kale and avocados knows that quinoa is the queen of gluten free. It is versatile and a great source of protein. We make an amazing quinoa, amaranth, and cashew milk waffle at my store (the Commercial Drive Licorice Parlour). They sell as fast as we make them.

So, let’s ring in a new year and get ready for spring with medicated chocolate quinoa cupcakes. I use coconut oil in place of butter and cashew milk in place of dairy milk. Gluten- and dairy-free, oh yeah!

Recipe: Gluten-free Chocolate Quinoa Cupcakes Recipe

Makes 12 servings

Combine:

• 3/4 cup coconut oil
• 12 grams shake flour

I like to put this in a crock pot on medium/low and walk away for an hour, maybe two, but you can simply put it in a sauce pan on low heat for 25 minutes. Longer cooking, without burning, equals stronger cupcakes. Once done cooking, let mixture cool.

Pre-heat oven to 350°F

Combine:

• 1/3 cup cashew milk
• 2 cups cooked quinoa
• 4 eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla

Mix in a food processor or blender.

Add to blender:

• Cooled coconut oil and cannabis mixture
• Mix with food processor or blender again.

Combine in separate bowl:

• 1.5 cups white sugar
• 1 cup cocoa powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1.5 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt

Once combined, add this dry mixture to the wet ingredients in your blender and mix thoroughly one more time.

Use the completed batter to fill a cupcake pan. Place in pre-heated oven and bake for 20-25 minutes. There are two ways to test that they are done: Lightly press your finger into the top of a cupcake—if it springs back up, it’s cooked; if the impression stays, it is not cooked. Poke a toothpick directly down the center of a cupcake. If it comes out clean, they are cooked; if there is wet dough stuck to it, then they are not cooked.

Once cooked, remove cupcakes and let cool. Then, decorate your cupcake any way you like.

More recipes from Watermelon:

• Honey Pot & Pistachio Crusted Halibut
• Ganja Goddess Pavlova
• Dairy-Free Ice Cream
• Lemon MeReggae Tarts
• Cannabis-Infused Baked Salmon with Asparagrass