Baking a Fool of Myself: Marijuana Infused Bacon (Flying Pigs)

There I was, working full time for myself, in the summer at least. I would skip along a log singing out my slogans. “Wata-wata-wata melon. Woo hoo for watermelon,” or “crazy cookies going like pot-cakes.”

There were no coffee breaks. I skinny-dipped in the ocean instead. My work uniform was sunshine all over my body. My tan was all-over even. I smoked lots of pot and ate loads of free watermelon everyday on the job. I was happy. I was healthy. Life was glorious.

It was many years before the law turned their attention to my pot cookies and me. I was that sweet girl who gave all the kids free watermelon. However, I also sold a great many of their parents, uncles, aunties and grandparents pot cookies. Chocolate mushrooms, too.

The Arrest of Watermelon

Crime had steadily been getting more sophisticated than the police. The RCMP didn’t know how to go after real criminals committing real crimes, so they kept doing what they did best, arresting pot smokers. On September 8, 2001, I was arrested for the first time in my life. My knees buckled.

I was vending to a group of lovely gentlemen at the farthest end of the beach when I saw the officer coming straight for me. I kindly asked the nice gentlemen to stash all my cookies behind their backs and they did. Imagine, desperately stashing gingersnap cookies from the police?

I had nothing on me but a pair of sunglasses when the officer informed me I was under arrest. A bolt of adrenaline came over me and my mind began to race. Nothing prepares you for your first arrest. You become hyper-aware. You begin to prickle with terror and excitement of all the uncertainties. You are a wild animal ready for fight or flight.

We had a long way to go back across the beach and up those 400 stairs. It was all I could do to stay standing and maintain my composure. After the fear subsided I became indignant. My legs were still working. We were walking across the front of the beach, so I began to shout at the beachgoers as we paraded by that I was, in fact, being arrested. Our ‘friend’ was trying to take me away very quietly. By the time we reached the halfway point where my clothes were, a crowd of more than 200 had gathered. Camera phones weren’t standard fair yet, but many photos got taken. A famous photographer named Lincoln Clarkes happened to be there sunbathing with his relic of a camera and started to roll film as I was escorted by.

The Naked Truth

Many beach goers were shaking their fists at the officer in anger. People were hugging and kissing me or holding up their crying children who wanted to hug and kiss me goodbye. Others ran to the top of the stairs naked and stood on the street demanding my release. My community loved me. They really loved me. It was the greatest day of my life. I celebrate my ‘arrest-aversary’ every year by throwing a big party and getting everyone baked. I invite you to do the same on September 8 (any year you like).

Three days after my ordeal the twin towers collapsed in New York and the whole world changed. This event really overshadowed my media coverage.

Lucky for me, I went on to be arrested several more times. The RCMP couldn’t get enough of the cookie lady. Three separate provincial court trials. Three separate acquittals. In hockey it’s called a hat trick, in bowling it’s a turkey. In court … a stunner. I fought the law and I won! Look up Regina v. Dunsdon.

None of these events ever made me want to quit my work. They have made me more determined. Only last week I completed an eight-week course and received a diploma in chocolate. It is more like a G.E.D. in chocolate, but I am thrilled. Soon I will begin a new line of coverture cannabis chocolate and mushrooms. This column will chronicle that journey. Until then I will discuss some time-honored classics of mine.

Cannabis Conversion Recap

In my first column I discussed the process we call cannabis conversion or decarboxylation. Let’s recap shall we? If you just eat dried cannabis you wouldn’t receive much, if any, psychoactive or medical results. Converting cannabis with heat, fat or alcohol, knocks off the carbon molecule and allows your cannabinoid receptors to receive our blissful molecule in all its glory.

Most everybody is familiar with the butter technique, but I am here to tell you many fats do a marvelous job converting cannabis. We will use the fat from bacon to convert our cannabis today and have your boy/girlfriend offering their hand in marriage soon after.

Recipe: Marijuana Infused Bacon (Flying Pigs)

It won’t just be the pigs flying high.

Ingredients

• 10-12 strips of thick-cut bacon
• 4 grams of shake flour

Steps

• Grind 4 grams of shake into fine flour, sift and pour into saltshaker.
• On a large, clean cookie tray lay out the bacon.
• Using saltshaker, generously sprinkle each piece of bacon with the super fine shake flour.
• Bake in center rack around 300˚F until desired consistency is achieved. You can dust both sides of the bacon with shake flour or only one. It is entirely up to you and how high you want your pigs to fly.

Marijuana infused bacon can be eaten alone, wrapped around, or served with the following delicious accompaniments:

• Cantaloupe
• Asparagus
• Shrimps
• Hotdogs
• Hamburgers
• Eggs

My favorite is cantaloupe because not only is it cool and fresh tasting, you don’t have to cook it. Be warned, it’s delicious!

The real goal in life is happiness. If you can find happiness in your heart you have mastered life. Thanks for tuning in.