Baking a Fool of Myself: Medical Margaritas

“One cannot have too large a party. A large party secures its own amusement.” — Jane Austen.

There is always that one party every summer that leaves guests smiling for weeks after. Whether it brought new friends together, rekindled old flames, introduced something new, or was just a great night full of fun and laughter, there are elements to a party you need to include in your planning to ensure success. You may have some of these in your home already, but here is what you’ll need:

• Guests
• Goals
• Flow
• Lighting
• Sound
• Dry cannabis
• Edibles
• Food
• Water station
• Garnish
• Pièce de résistance
  
  

Start with a wild bunch of fresh guests! Make no mistake, a party is so much more than just inviting people over for drinks and doobies. It can be the place where rebellions are born, art is dissected, future parents might meet for the first time, jokes get refined, and recipes are traded. One must prepare their setting with care, to help emulsify these potential encounters of innovation and commonwealth. Humanity depends on it.

Pre-heat your mind with some personal goals for the party. What are you wanting to achieve? Why are you throwing the party? Have you accomplished a milestone? Do you have an announcement to make? Maybe you bought too many spinach pies at Costco and need them eaten up. Not everyone likes to sacrifice their home to parties — a home can be a very private space. The most essential ingredient is that you want to throw a party. No other imitation will do. I personally cherish party throwing because I adore food, fellowship, and community. I truly love to feed people because it’s how I express “I like you!” in Watermelon. It’s how I participate in life.

(Read also: Baking a Fool of Myself: Homemade Jalapeno Poppers)

Caramelize the Flow

Caramelizing human flow around the house takes a bit of planning. Certain techniques can ensure your company doesn’t bottleneck in the kitchen. Nothing wrong with a little kitchen action, but not all night long. Prepare small movement motivations. Peculiar points of interest in different spaces keep people traveling around. I’ve played surf movies in one room for folks who have gotten baked and need to chill out. Consider a chocolate fountain, craft table, or a typewriter with paper in it. The options are endless. The point is to use different curiosities in different areas to keep partygoers mobile and engaged.

Pro flow tip: Don’t put the bar in the kitchen. Have it on the patio. Don’t have the dessert table in there, either. Try it in the hallway.
A dash of red-hued lighting is essential! Primal, really! Don’t have lighting that stinks. Candles are a cheap and dangerous option. Invest in some dimmers, warm lamps, or patio lights. Consider light-up oil diffusers so your home will look and smell good. Lighting can also be turned up later in the evening to help guests decide for themselves it’s time to go home.

Sounds of Success

Continually mix in sounds. The right music can make or break valuable communication (remember, rebellions are being born), so I like to recommend music with easily definable instruments or anything live. Let it be known that just like every good song needs a crescendo, so does every good party. Boost up the sound of your party until danceable. Later, you begin taking the music levels down (while you are slowly turning the lights up) to indicate the party is coming to a close.

“Mise en place” some complementary weed on a community rolling station and decorate it with a few essentials like rolling papers and a grinder. In my experience you don’t have to contribute a lot of cannabis to get things going. An eighth (3.5 grams) should do.

Visitors inclined this way, as is the custom, tend to donate varied offerings. If you are lucky someone will fancy themselves an expert roller. Allow that person to shine. You are too busy hosting a party to roll, unless that is your expertise. Then shine on you, crazy diamond!

Folding in edibles at a party is a finicky dilemma on dosage. Make a specially marked table or plate for “edibles only” that offer up 10 mg per serving at most. This is a party, not a sleepover. High dose edibles are not suitable.

Pepper in a generous portion of regular (non-medicated) food. If you don't think people at a party need lots of snacks to go with their weed and booze you are drunk and stoned already. Go home. Wait, you are home. Go to bed.

(Read also: Decarboxylation: Activating THC in Cannabis)

Hydrate or Die

Water stations prevent your deep-fried party from drying out too soon. Partakers of cannabis should have easy access to a clearly defined self-serve water station. I say self-serve because this could be a full-time job otherwise. Stoners don’t want to keep bugging the host/bartender for water. Some folks are shy, others feel compelled to always give a tip or maybe they’re too parched to even say the words. So, make sure there is no impediment to water. Also, don’t keep the water station in the kitchen.

Zest the top of your already decadent banquet with homemade scents as garnish. Bake cookies, tarts, a pie, cinnamon buns, anything sweet (or savoury), halfway through a party then serve hot. This is an advanced move. Smell is often an overlooked sense at most shindigs. Think of mulled wine, heady flowers, or frying bacon versus cat litter, compost, or sweaty socks. Smells have profound effects on people of all ages. Try this trick and be amazed.

Don’t micromanage your party. I suggested a wild fresh bunch of guests for a reason. The guests are the pièce de résistance in this whole recipe. Shoes on, I say! Sure, you can smoke in here! Foul language? No f*cking problem. Once you’ve assembled all your ingredients into that party kiln you’ve just got to let go and see what shape the dough will take when perfectly baked. Don’t forget to kiss the cook.

Recipe: Medical Margaritas

Equipment

• A mason jar stuffed full with dry toasted marijuana leaves
• White tequila
• Limes (lots)
• Honey
• Sea salt
• Patience
• Ice cubes

Preparation

1. Simply pack a mason jar with some dry toasted marijuana leaves and pour in tequila of choice and secure lid firmly.
2. Let sit for two weeks or more. Shake every once in a while.
3. Strain off botanical features from the now Vitamin T juice and use in favorite margarita recipes (personally I like only fresh squeezed lime, honey, and ice cubes).

Drinks (or Medication) for Two

• 2 glasses with rims lightly salted
• 2 ounces Medical Tequila
• 2 limes freshly squeezed
• 2 Tbsp. Honey
• 15 Ice cubes
• Blend on HIGH!!!

With Medical Margaritas you are now ready to cure a cold, flu, depression, upset stomach, bankruptcy, broken heart, pig latin, atheism, a fallen soufflé, rejection, and so much more!